Monday, June 23, 2014

A childs innocence.

Innocence. Why does it make me cry when I look at my son and see how innocent he is. When he offers to help me when I am down or ill. When he gladly helps clean with me. When he plays alone. When he smiles. When he laughs. And when he says "I love you." Innocence. why again do you make me cry?
I look around a lot I must admit and see and hear other moms and dads saying how their children are in their terrible twos or how their kids drive them insane and I smile. My smile is because I am so blessed to have a son who is so much the opposite. I do not want or need alone time away from him. I actually want to be there every moment. My thought is I have plenty of time to be alone after he is off and grown. Which I know will come all too fast for me.  Going out to have "me" time or "hubby and me" time seems completely out of my book. Specially to go to a bar and drink or party. Its all pointless to me.
It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital holding him for the first time and now he is 6 but seems like he is going on 16. Ever since he was 2 he has been by my side helping me, tucking me in bed sometimes and most important of all. He has been teaching me new things about myself and life that I never knew existed.
I have always and will always be a child at heart. He completes it all. My love for him will never ever dwindle no matter what happens or the choices he does make in his future. he is my son. Yes, my son. No one else's. And that I than God for every single minute, hour and day.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Where do all the good people go?

    Where are all the good people going?

Seems lately every time I talk to someone or log on to some social media website I hear of someone's passing. Funny thing is it seems to be all the good people. The people who put up a strong courageous battle with cancer, a young driver who was hit by a drunk driver or a child who barely made it to their first birthday.

So I ask, "Where have all the good people gone?". Of course a person may say to heaven and guess what? I agree.

In all honesty I fear death just as much as anyone else. But what do I fear the most about death? Is it the pain? Is it the fear of going to somewhere unknown? Or maybe the fact that my body will be 6 feet under in the ground? The answer to all of those is "no".

What I truly whole-heartily am afraid of is not being with my family anymore. Specially my children. The idea of not being there when they are crying or in pain is just a heart wrenching thought to me. Knowing will not be there to comfort them on the nights they are sick, or being able to hug them and tell them everything is going to be OK. In all honesty it just plain makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Even the idea of not being able to talk to my best friend, my mom, is also so alarming. When I am sad, depressed or feeling crappy in general she reminds me of how far I have come and where I am going. The thought I will not be able to receive hugs and kisses from my husband makes me feel like I am all alone all over again. Being with the same man I love for 21 years, since I was 14 has become a comfort zone to me. What I mean by that is we hold each other up. We build each other up. We are so madly in love still to this day.

So when someone tells me their friend, loved one or pet has gone away to a greener pasture I am saddened for not only them but for their now departed loved one. They had great times here and now its ended temporarily. But then I also remind myself of the beauty that heaven posses and holds. The fact that now they are reunited with their old friends, family and pets does make the pain seems a little less. Knowing they are safe, out of pain and enjoying the awesome view makes the sting a lot less. But until then I live by the age old motto "Life's too short, just do it!". So for now I will enjoy this view because God knows the other view may not be for me. I do have a fear of heights!



Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Why do we have to depend on SO much technology?

Now don't get me wrong. When I was a teen and a young adult I was into all the newest gadgets. When beepers were cool I had 2. Yeah 2. I know. Don't ask. I also had all the newest stereo equipment, car equipment and you name it. I had it. I worked  damn hard for it.

Now its impossible to stay away from cell phones, apps, email etc. Honestly I hate phones as it is. Don't even get me started on texting. Its the stupidest thing to me. Might as well use a typewriter too and carry it with. Hey, I night like that better. LOL! But as I was saying. technology is literally everywhere. We have gotten so lazy as a society that we can't even walk over to friend who is with in arm reach to talk. We text now. What BS.

The reason I am so irritated about all this tech savvy stuff is because I am plain, simple and well...hell I will admit it. Not able to afford a $1000 phone and an additional $100 a month just for multimedia alone. Ridiculous! When paying bills people say they need my email to send me the receipt. Or when I want my sons records for school they want them all stored on the Internet. Really! Why? Have we not learned that technology is not that safe?

I am a person who will dabble on and off on the computer to keep in touch with friends or check out the newest shows but some of it has gone too far. When my hubby had an interview for a job he had no idea he had gotten it until it was almost too late because they emailed his offer to him. Why did they not just call. Is it really THAT hard? When I ask for stuff mailed instead of emailed people look at me like I am weird. Umm ok.

Maybe its me, but its gotten to be too much. Having our kids use the Internet to do homework. (Luckily my son does not have a school who requires that.) Parents I have talked to have to print out literally pages and pages for their kids schooling of info and homework. What about us who do not use it a lot or have no access to it. A bit unfair in my opinion. What are we teaching our kids by doing this? Maybe to be lazy and not actually learn with their own awesome brains instead of the Internet or some other form of technology.

 I guess I am old fashioned but I like it that way. Less trouble and I don't have to worry about dropping that phone in the toilet where it actually belongs :)

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Since when have we become such a selfish society?

Since when has the world started to seem so full of cold-hearted, non-understading people?

Over the years I have just learned to deal with ignorance. Just keeping my mouth shut when I hear or see people who are just plain rude. Specially to me. But honestly, lately it seems like the world of ignorant people has doubled. Maybe even tripled faster than I can blink an eye. The one escapade I had that I wrote about previously about the rude lady at the gas station is just one of so many situations I find myself shaking my head at.

Why is it so hard to be plesant? Back in the days of our grandparents and great-aunts and great-uncles people seemed to be more. Well. "Pleasant". They talked kindly to their neighbors, waved to each other and even drank a their jobs out in the open with their bosses and co-workers. Everyone was or so seemed "happy".

Today it seems people are always on the go. Never having enough time to even smile. Seems so sad. Everyone seems so focused on their phones, apps, money and themselves. We are more selfish as a society now more than ever. So we really need to focus on a tiny screen more than the people around us?

We need to remember alot of those people around us are willing to literally risk their lives for you. They care about you more than you know and just would like to have a few minutes of you away from your phone, work or whatever it is that keeps you so busy that those people seem somehow forgotten. Eventually you will be the one left and forgotten if your life continues this way.

Society is also so focused on the "me" attitude. Me first, Mine and never an "us or we" put in there. Its gotten so bad that at times we are jepordizing others we love, even ourselves. Texting and driving. drinking and driving, cutting people off with babues in their cars, secluding ourselves and even posionig ourselves with the ways we live.

We need the old-fashioned days of polite political arguements. None with name calling. The days of holding doors opne for one another and not just walkig trhough them while on our phones and letting them slam on the person behind us. Sharing time with family and friends and not ourselves and phones. Spending holidays with family and not working. Days where everyone had smiles on their faces for the most part. And if we didn't we were able to talk about our problems openly without being judged. Ahh, the good ole days.

So lets take time to smile and honestly use our mouths to talk and not our fingers on a phone. Lets greet our neighbors and love our familes. Lets live life in he way it was meant to be lived. Full of love and happiness.

A survey of questions from Dan Curtis

The 50 Best Life Story Questions.

I know it’s presumptuous for me to claim these are the “best”.  But what the heck, they’re not shabby. ;-)
In a previous article I suggested you might want to write “50 best life story questions”.  I explained these could be a token of appreciation for a potential client that you lost. If you haven’t yet written your “50 best”,  take a look at my list and feel free to use any of them. Be my guest!
If you could do one thing over in your life, what would it be? * I would have gotten into healthcare earlier than I did and never worked in retail management. It was a waste of time.
What makes  you happy? *  Knowing I have such a loving, honest, open-minded and creative family that always backs me up no matter what I do or happens in life.
Looking back on your life, what do you regret?  * A lot of friendships I had. A lot of them walked all over me and went behind my back making up a lot of hurtful things about me that were not true.
What do you believe to be true?  * I believe in God, people all have hearts that do care if you give them time and love.
What is the secret to a happy life?  * A great sense of humor and creativity to get you through the bad times..
What do you believe happens to us after we die?  * We go to heaven or hell. Depends on the person. I am on the border about reincarnation. I am considering it to be true.

Who’s had the greatest influence on your life and why?  * My mom. She has been there for me no matter what. She has worked very hard in her life for everything she has and has achieved.

What are the qualities that you admire in your friends? * Funny, honest, open, family-oriented and to be loyal and not 2-faced.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? * Was to grow up seeing the way my fathers side treated my mom and I. (See other blogs.)

How would you describe yourself? * Creative, dependable, honest, funny and family-centered.

If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be and why? * My dad to ask him why he did what he did to my mom  and I.

What’s important in your life? * My family is always number one.

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? * Buy different home, save some and give some to non-profits.

What’s a secret ambition of yours? *To become an guardian for people who have disabilities or seniors who have no one to look after them and their cares.

Who in your life would you like to thank and for what? * My mom for her courage and God for all he has helped me get through.

What principles have guided your life? * To treat other how they want to be treated. Not how I think they should be treated.

Where do you find serenity? * When I drive the open roads and also with my family.

What makes you sad?  * People who only see things one way and never try to see the other side, ever. Also people who treat others with disrespect.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life? * That school means nothing. Its who you know and your personality that's gets you further in life.

How would you like to be remembered? * For trying to make a positive impact on everyone who I met.

If you had only one day to live, how would you live it? * With my family at a warm beach in the sun. Enjoying sunrise to sunset.

How would you describe your spiritual beliefs? * Open. I see all kinds of truths in various religions.

Who is the most important person in your life today and why? * My son. On the days I want to just stay in bed he inspires me to get up and go.

What was the worst job you ever had and why was it so bad? * When I worked for a local furniture company as a interior designer. They cheated customers, lied to them and wanted me to do the same. I quit and walked out.

What’s your idea of a good time? * Being on a beach with family or friends just enjoying the weather.

What’s wrong with the world? * Too many people trying to change things that have been for so long. Also people who always think they are better than each other. Were all the same inside.

What is it that you absolutely couldn’t live without? *My family.

How would you describe yourself as a child? * Shy, blonde, a dreamer and wanting to change the world with art.

What’s the greatest gift you could give to someone you love? *My heart and time.

What does love mean to you? * It means being by some ones side no matter what the storm may bring.

What was the best job you ever had and why was it the best? * Working with people with disabilities in a day program. I used my creativity to help them express them selves through art and music.

If you had to evacuate your home immediately and could take only one thing, what would it be and why? *I would take my photo albums because they help me remember how far we all have come.

What’s right with the world? * Honestly not a lot right now. Too much fighting and mean thigs being said everywhere you go.

How would you describe your perfect day? * Wake up to a bright sunny day. Make a home made breakfast. Spend day with the family being silly and enjoying each others company. Then watching the sunset. After having a glow in the dark pool party till midnight.

What event in your life would you like to live over and why? *My wedding day. It went too fast.

What are you avoiding? * Negative people.

What are your best qualities? * Awesome sense of humor, non-judging, creative and loving.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for someone? *Lots! I make all my stuff from scratch for my hubby.

What’s the kindest thing you’ve done for someone? * I do kind things all the time for people. I think one that stands out is being a pallbearer for a client I took care of for many years. She had no family show up. Just us staff who took care of her. That's was 5 of us. So sad.

How is your home like you? * Full of brightness and creativity.

Who in your life would you like to forgive and  for what? * Some friends who I miss.

What are the advantages of getting older? *Seeing my children grew into such beautiful people.

What would you place in a time capsule that would tell a relative 1oo years from now who you were?  *My photo albums,, a few art projects and an cell phone to show how much life has changed.

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

What's the point of all those genetic tests?

About a week ago when I went to visit my Obgyn she went over various tests that I could have done before my baby arrives in just about 28 weeks from tomorrow. Of course there are the normal blood tests and urine test I have to do each visit to make sure I am getting the right amount of vitamins. I have been vitamin B12 deficient and anemic all my life no matter what I do. But she offered me tests such as; Chorionic villus sampling and other genetic tests. Most of them rely on using a needle to poke into my abdomen to withdraw fluid which is later looked at to see if the baby will have an genetic issues.

My thought is  "why would I risk a miscarriage, the temporary pain and even worse. The thought that my baby may have a genetic condition. Once I found out I would probably not stop thinking about it and begin to blame myself for what has happened. But honestly, what's really the point of this test?

After thinking about all the risks verses the "really what can I do now about it?" questions that ran through my head I came to a conclusion. Even if my baby had a genetic issue or was found out to have a physical or mental limitation what would I do? Nothing! This is my baby and I will love them no matter what may happen or how they come out on their birthday. They are a blessing. Each and every child is no matter who they are or chose to be. Love conquers all specially when it comes to babies and children.

After I asked my doctor more questions she and I both agree. The tests are pointless. The baby will be very much loved by me, my husband, their big brother and my whole family. My Obgyn  has had 9 of her own. Her last was when she was 44. So obviously when I told her I felt I was "old" when it comes to being pregnant she just laughed. She said "there is no perfect age to be pregnant. As long as the mom is in descent health and full of love any age is fine." That made me feel a lot better. I know I am 35 but some days I feel like I am 80.

With my first son I never did any tests except when he was 32 weeks. I had an amnio to see if his lungs were developed enough to deliver him at that time. I was preeclamptic and in the hospital for a month. His lungs were not ready yet. So we waited and finally came to the decision to have him delivered at 36 weeks. It was all natural. Honestly it was very painful. I will not lie about. Then having an huge older man with huge hands break my water at 5am was scary. The nausea and headaches were so bad I wanted to be knocked out. Then having a fill-in doctor have me push hard while I was only 6 centimeters dilated was pure hell. But after 19 hours of labor he arrived. He was a month early weighing 6pds 11 ounce and 19 inches long. Not bad!

So in the long run. My question is why would anyone want a test to see if they want a baby or not? Would you really give up a child who may have an genetic issue, physical impairment or something else? Then take this how you want but maybe you should have not had sex or have better prepared yourself. They did not ask to be born. You, your other half and God are the ones who created them. And to take away their life or give them up is not fair to them. Its cruel in my opinion. If you want to give them up then please find people who would shower that baby with love no matter what.

Life is all about choices. This choice of having another baby is one of the best choices I have ever made. No one will ever take that from me.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Ignorance the norm or what?

Today I went to the gas station and ended up being in a line waiting that extended to the street. I waited patiently. So now we are actually moving along and the car in front of me pulls into the side parking area on the lot. The place where cars park when they don't need gas. I had my 6 year old son with me. Well I pulled into the pump only to have a lady pull up on the side of me start swearing at me. It was the lady who was in front of me. She was yelling at me for taking her spot. I even said to her that "I would never do that to someone I knew who was there first." I also asked her "why she parked in a non gas spot then?" Needless to say she still kept on cussing and yelling at me. So my son yells at her to saying "to leave mommy alone." Then she pulled off. Must have not seen I had a child in there.

My thing is....... why is society so damn rude? It seems like as I get older I notice a lot more ignorant, stupid and selfish people. Or is it just suppose to be this way. I am a person who thinks last of myself even if its for  stranger. I always put others first. So to be judged by that woman actually made me upset. Sadly. What happened to the calm talking, the days when politics was just that. Not being mean to each other. Or when people actually held doors open for others and payed attention to what others are saying and not talking on their stupid cell phones. Or is this the way society is meant to be. If so I feel bad for my kids. I really do.